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He Made Them Male and Female

marrriage kiss

by Dennis Pollock

I think the chemistry and attraction between men and women is utterly fascinating. I realize that in saying that I sound like an impartial, analytical observer, one who watches but has never partaken of romantic love. But such is not the case. I have been married twice, betrayed once, and have deeply loved two women, one of whom I am blessed today to call not only my wife, but my partner in ministry as well. I have five children, and have been through all the various trials and frustrations of marriage, including arguments (some serious and some silly), dreams and long discussions about future goals, messy diapers, teens with attitudes, wives with attitudes, and my own attitudes.

I am now in my sixties, having lived as a married man for 38 plus years, and I still find the male/female relationship as mysterious and fascinating as ever. The author of the thirtieth chapter of Proverbs wrote:

There are three things that are too wonderful for me,
four that I do not understand:
​​​​​​​the way of an eagle in the sky,
the way of a snake on a rock,
the way of a ship in the sea,
and the way of a man with a woman. (Proverbs 30:18, 19)

There is something about the male/female relationship that is really “too wonderful” for us. But understand it or not, it plays a powerful role in most of our lives! The process of dividing humanity neatly between male and female, and creating each with their own particular strengths and areas of incompleteness, is a process that goes directly to our Creator Himself. The Bible tells us: “…male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27).

“It is not Good…”

As we read the creation story carefully we discover that this was not merely some whim of our Creator. In evaluating the man He had created, God determined that he was somehow incomplete. Everything else that was created the Bible declares to be “good.” The phrase that echoes throughout the story of the creation of the earth is: “God saw that it was good.”  But when it came to man we find the first reference to something that was not so good: “It is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Adam tending the animals and managing the garden by himself, having no one to talk with or relate to, was simply too solitary. He had God to fellowship with, but somehow as wonderful as that was, he also needed someone more of his own kind, and yet who wasn’t exactly like him. He needed a woman; he needed a wife. And God, who is the ultimate provider of all our needs, did what He does best. He provided the perfect solution to Adam’s loneliness. He created for Adam a wife to be “a helper to him, comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18).

Men and women have been falling in love, marrying, making love to each other, having children, raising families, arguing, debating, compromising, laughing together, crying together, and working together ever since. Men and women come together in marriage, not so much because they feel it is their duty to sustain the population of the earth, not because two can live as cheap as one, but because there is a powerful, instinctual, nearly irresistible drive in them to do this. Marriages are performed in every nation and in every culture. The ceremony may be different, but the basic idea is the same: men and women will join in marriage, live together, pledge to remain true to their spouse until death do them part, give themselves sexually to each other, have babies, raise families, and grow old together until death finally breaks the bonds of their relationship.

In that first marriage God made it clear that the populating of the earth was an important aspect of this relationship, telling Adam and Eve: “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). Marriage and the sexual relationship that accompanies it were God’s means to ensure that there would be constant new generations of humans on His earth. If there were no marriage and no sex, all humanity would perish from the earth in one generation. But God did not create the world for one generation. He wanted many generations so that He might prepare for Himself great multitudes of people, redeemed through Jesus Christ, to live with Him in eternity. Marriage and sex were His chosen means by which these multiple generations would be guaranteed.

Gift of God

Some have suggested that the sexual relationship came after Adam and Eve’s sin, and that before this there was no such thing as sex. But this is clearly in error. Both were charged to be fruitful and populate the earth in their sinless state, and this would not have been accomplished by shaking hands or rubbing noses. This brings us to what some might suppose to be a shocking idea: the sexual drive in men and women, and the sexual act that results from that drive, are not of our own making. God Himself created sex, gave us our sexual drive, and gave it to us in such a strong measure (especially in the case of men) that we could not possibly ignore it. Getting married and making love to each other frequently is not some perversion or aberration; this is precisely what our Creator intended. We are not somehow acting carnally or being unspiritual. We are being human and following an impulse that lies within us which is every bit as real, natural, and legitimate as the desire for food or the instinct for self-preservation.

Knowing the tendency of religious people to sometimes become “overly spiritual,” God spelled it out unmistakably in the apostle Paul’s instructions to the Corinthians believers:

A husband should fulfill his marital responsibility to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. Do not deprive one another sexually… (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

Unequal Distribution

Although God gave sexual desire to both men and women, He did not give it in precisely equal portions. Throughout all of history, the experience of men and women testify unmistakably and irrefutably that men are normally given this drive in larger measure than women. And because this unequal distribution is so universally acknowledged and demonstrated, we must assume that in this, too, God had his reasons.

Most women could not possibly appreciate the tremendous sexual urges that appear in young men starting at the age of fourteen or fifteen. And although these sexual desires will be present throughout most of their lives, researchers tell us that most young men attain the peak of their sexuality (in a physical sense) in their late teens or early twenties. Women peak later, but even then a woman’s sexual desires are typically far less intense than a man’s. Basically, when a boy starts looking like a man, his sexual urges are nearly off the chart. Christian, Hindu, Muslim, or atheist, the vast majority of young men have such a strong urge for sexual expression that sex is on their minds day and night. Cold showers and involvement in sports may help a little – but not much.

kissGod no doubt created men thus, that one of His objective’s might be met: that young men would desire to meet and marry young women, commit themselves to them, have children, and settle into the maturity that families and wives typically bring to risk-taking, immature, goofy-acting males in their early twenties. For most of the history of the earth, this arrangement worked beautifully. And because women do not possess nearly the sexual urgency found in the male, they have generally followed the advice of their parents and their cultures who urged them to remain pure until marriage, demanding that the male put a ring on their finger before they bestowed upon him their sexual availability. Young men, facing the choice of staying single and having no sex or getting married and having sex regularly, overwhelmingly chose to marry. This is not to suggest that young men do not fall in love as deeply and powerfully as young women. They do, but in the case of men, romantic passions and sexual passions mingle together in powerful ways that make marriage highly desirable – at least this is the way it is supposed to work.

Revolution

Of course, there were exceptions, but for the most part this “wait until marriage” policy insured that young men would marry early. Any man who reached his thirties unmarried was typically either incapable of winning an acceptably attractive wife, unusually low in sexual desire, or had found some lady who was willing to break the rules and was giving him sex outside of marriage. This was the case until the twentieth century, throughout the earth. Then came the Sexual Revolution. In the 1960’s young people threw off what they perceived to be the shackles of sexual morality. Immorality was not new, of course, but in the sixties, sexual immorality became far more widespread than ever before, and instead of hiding it, young people started flaunting this new “freedom” they had found.

The results were catastrophic, and remain devastating to this day. Divorce rates immediately soared. Young men, finding ladies willing to give them what they needed without requiring the traditional ring, starter house, picket fence, children, and commitment, began delaying marriage. It was a direct assault on the God-ordained institution which we call the family. There were fewer marriages, later marriages, fewer children, more divorce, more adultery, and more mixed families with step-moms, step-brothers and step-sisters, numerous sets of grandparents, and all sorts of other complications.

Despite all the confusion men and women were still attracted to each other and marriage has never gone out of style. As mentioned earlier, one reason for this is the sex drive. But another is the “romance drive.” Give a man and a woman some time together, and if they are not already married or committed (and sometimes even if they are) there is a pretty fair chance that they will start to feel an attraction toward each other. Both males and females have sex and romantic drives hard-wired into their natures, but while men are often more focused on the sex drive, women are typically more in tune with their romantic side. Women long to be prized and adored by a man they admire and respect, and to be told that they are special and wonderful. Women read far more romantic novels than men. Most men would rather experience a beating than be forced to read a romance novel or watch a soap opera. But for women, these things appeal to something buried deeply within them, a sense of romance and a longing to be loved, valued, cherished, prized, and esteemed.

In this too we see the hand of God. Women are the way they are because God made them the way they are. Our great Creator has never changed His mind when He first declared, “It is not good that man should be alone.” The truth is, men and women need each other, and just to make sure that we get that, God has placed in us nearly irresistible drives and feelings that push us heavily in the direction of marriage.

Our Ultimate Spouse

In heaven it will not be thus. In our perfected state, we will not require a spouse to serve as our helper, counselor, and best friend. But for now, with a few exceptions, we need spouses. They may drive us crazy at times, they may frustrate us, nag us, criticize us, force us to do things we do not want to do, and keep us from doing things we long to do. But the truth is, it would be unhealthy for most of us to live singly, making all our own decisions, never needing to compromise, never being criticized or rebuked, and never facing the need to exercise patience and forgiveness.

But as much as we need our spouses, they are not our greatest need, nor can they offer our greatest fulfillment. Christ alone provides this. For what our spouses are to us in an earthly sense, Jesus Christ is to us in the ultimate sense. He is our Heavenly Bridegroom. He is the One who truly makes us complete. And unlike our earthly spouse, He is perfect. There is no flaw in Him. He who loved us and died for us on the cross, has become to us God’s perfect provision for humanity. Jesus does for us what no other man or woman could ever do – He bestows upon us the forgiveness of sins and the gift of eternal life.


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